


How the Helltaker Saved Christmas (Sort of)

by Thatauthoryouhate



Category: Helltaker (Video Game)
Genre: Adventure, Christmas, F/M, Fluff, Negotiations, One Big Happy Family, POV Second Person, Visiting Santa Claus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28312380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatauthoryouhate/pseuds/Thatauthoryouhate
Summary: Cerberus is overjoyed at the thought of being visited by Santa. Unfortunately, Lucifer reveals that might not actually happen...
Relationships: Azazel/Beelzebub/Cerberus/Judgement/Justice//Lucifer/Malina/Modeus/Pandemonica/Reader/Zdrada, Azazel/Beelzebub/Cerberus/Judgement/Justice//Lucifer/Malina/Modeus/Pandemonica/The Helltaker/Zdrada
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	How the Helltaker Saved Christmas (Sort of)

You place the final pancake atop the serving tray, and admire your handy work. Soft, fluffy, and most importantly: thin. Delicately, you pick up the tray, and make your way to the living room. Lucifer is standing there waiting, and her eyes positively light up at the sight of your handiwork. “Pancake?” You ask, holding the tray out for her to take her pick. 

As always she's not picky, spawning a plate and fork from seemingly nowhere, and taking the topmost cake with care. She wastes little time in testing the treat, taking a small chunk from it with her fork and bringing it to her lips. Her tail stiffens, and she lets out a hum in delight. “Delicious as always.” She compliments, using her fork to further divvy up the pancake. 

You continue onwards, determined to give every one of your girls the pancakes they deserve. Rather, that was the plan. Unfortunately, the moment you reach Justice you are met with disaster. Three identical demons rush past you, all speaking in unison as they cheer for something you can't quite make out. Your attention shifts almost immediately back to your freshly made pancakes that now litter the floor. You can't help but frown. It looks like the rest of the girls will have to wait a little longer for their food. 

“What has her so worked up any way?” You ask yourself aloud, flinching when Justice answers you. “She's pretty excited for Christmas, this will be her first one outside of hell, so you know what that means.” She says with a wide grin. Shaking your head, you tell her that actually no, you have no idea what that means. “Santa has no excuse not to visit us this year, not living in hell right now and all.” She explains easily. “Huh, Santa's real?” You ask dumbly, prompting an adorable chuckle from Justice. 

“You live with a house full of demons, and an angel. What do you think Champ?” She teases, lifting her shades to shoot a wink. “I'm afraid he won't be visiting us though.” Lucifer chimes in, and she soon stands beside Justice. “Demons automatically make it on the naughty list.” She frowns as she looks off to where Cerberus left. “I've not quite had the heart to tell her that yet.” She sighs. 

Well now, you can't allow that! “Maybe Santa's reasonable, and we can sort something out?” You suggest, hardly believing the sentence you just spoke. Lucifer's mouth twitches into a smile for the briefest of moments. “If a human were to speak to him, that might get us somewhere. Unfortunately, I have no idea where he currently resides.” She informs you with a shrug. 

“Monica does.” Justice says, looking smug at her revelation. “Does she now?” Lucifer asks, and while she does her best to look surprised, it is obvious she already knew this information. In seconds, Lucifer has her mobile in hand. A flurry of swipes, and a phone-call is made. “Yes. Good, You? I need a favour dear. Living room.” While you only hear Lucifer's half of the conversation, the sound of footsteps approaching expand on what little you could gather. 

“Good morning.” Greets Pandemonica, followed quickly by a yawn. Lucifer moves straight on to business. “I need to locate Santa Claus, could you do that for me?” She asks sweetly. Without pause, Pandemonica snaps her fingers. A small tear rips open inches from her fingertip. Inside, you can see a small cottage covered in a thick layer of snow. “Not unlike the Abyss, Santa resides in this quaint little dimension.” She explains, and you focus on the images inside. Bar the constant falling of snow, there is little in the way of movement. 

“So, how do we get there?” You ask. “I can always make the tear big enough to walk through, but why would you want to?” She asks, tilting her head. Before you can answer, Lucifer steps in. She does an amazing job of summarizing the situation, much better than you likely would have. Straightening her glasses, she offers a rare smile. “Admirable.” She states. “I will feel more comfortable if we had some muscle to accompany us.” She continues, and you quirk a brow.

“Us? You're coming with me?” You ask. “Of course, I will need to bring us back home after all.” She explains, and you can't fault the reasoning. That just leaves the muscle. “Justice, want to come on a winter-wonderland adventure?” You ask. “I would, but I have something important to do.” She quickly explains. Curious, but you don't press her. 

“Might I suggest Judgement? She's more than competent, if a little brash...” She trails off. You can't help but smirk, remembering how Judgement ignored much of Lucifer's words during your climatic battle. “Let's fetch her, and then be off then.” Pandemonica says, and you both walk in the direction of Judgement's quarters. 

With no-one interrupting you, you stand outside Judgement's room in no time. You expect Pandemonica to knock, but she nudges you to move forward. Rolling your eyes, you knock on the high-prosecutor's door. “Come in?” Comes the questioning response. Allowing both yourself and Pandemonica in, you smile at the sight of Judgement filing her nails. Continuing her motions, she looks up at the pair of you. 

“What's wrong?” She asks, likely because she seldom sees the two of you together. Well, clothed at least. “Could you help us save Christmas?” You ask sweetly; you've always wanted to say that. “Huh?” Judgement responds in an undignified manner. Pandemonica swiftly intervenes, explaining the full situation. “You want me to help you enter another dimension, and reach a magical being to negotiate for presents?” She repeats the information in her own way. You nod. That is pretty much the gist of it after all. 

The seconds pass slowly, before she finally sighs. “Alright, let me grab a real coat.” She says, closing the door to her room. You hear the rummaging behind it, and you're infinitely more interested than Pandemonica. Soon enough, Judgement re-emerges. Instead of her usual skimpy attire, she wears a waist-length fluffy coat which is a light beige. You can't help but stare at her in awe, it's such a different look! 

“D-don't stare!” She stammers, crimson spreading across her cheeks. Averting your eyes, you look to Pandemonica. “Alright, let's go visit Santa.” She states, snapping her fingers. The tear from earlier reappears, and she flicks it away. It glides through the air, stopping several paces away from you. A second passes, before it suddenly expands, tall enough for almost anyone to fit through. 

Pandemonica moves to stand just in front of it, taking a moment to admire her handiwork. Satisfied, she turns to both yourself, and Judgement. “Let's hurry then.” She instructs, waving you to follow as she steps through. Both of you follow. The second your foot hits the snowy ground, it produces a satisfying crunch, it almost distracts you from the biting wind. 

Instantly you begin to shiver, and a chuckle escapes from both demons. “No time to fetch a coat.” Pandemonica says with wicked glee, her sadistic side seeming to awaken from nowhere. Warmth covers your shoulders, and your face is shoved into Judgement's covered bosom. “I'll warm him up quick.” She explains with a squeak, and you gleefully imagine her blush returning in full bloom. 

Her tactic works, and you're ready to brace against the elements once more. “Our destination is the cottage, it should be warm enough in there. Better sprint.” Pandemonica says with a chuckle. Without warning: Judgement releases you from her grip, and you take off in a mad dash to the cottage. Fortunately, the ground proves as flat as it appears, and you make it to the door without injury. 

The two demons leisurely walk to catch up with you, and you hastily open the door. Fortune strikes again, as it is unlocked. Inside, you are greeted with quite the sight. The walls appear to be made of neatly cut logs piled atop one another, and adjourning them are all manner of photos. Some contain pictures of what must be elves, little men and women wearing all green; they look quite happy. More contain other seasonal mascot, the one drawing your eye the most being of a giant yellow bunny posing with a muscular man in a green Santa outfit. Curious.

Your eye wanders still, looking to the ceiling. Like the walls, it appears to be made of logs. Dangling from it are decorations of all colours, glinting in the light from the centre. “Ho-Ho-Ho, it seems we have guests!” A voice bellows from out of sight. In a sparkling flash, the muscular man from the photo appears in the centre of the room. He wears what appear to be a red vest, and black trousers. An expensive looking buckle adjourns his belt, and he wears a smile behind his bushy, white beard all the while. 

“Gabrielle, did you hear me!?” He shouts the question, and a dainty voice calls back. “Yes dear, I'll bring some mince pies out in a moment.” She responds, prompting the muscular man to clap. “You'll love those, now come. Sit.” He instructs, moving to the back of the room where a sofa lies. It would seem you neglected to even check the furnishing, as the décor was so gaudy it drew you in. 

“Oh, and tell those two to come in too. The door's making an awful draft!” He continues with a chuckle, sitting on his relatively plain looking sofa. You turn to look, and indeed stood in the open doorway are a very nervous looking Judgement and Pandemonica. You want to ask them what's wrong, but instead simply gesture for them to follow the muscular man's instructions. They still seem nervous, but apparently trust you enough to enter. Judgement carefully closes the door shut behind you. 

You take a seat beside your host, and the girls stand nearby, though noticeably do not get overly close. Choosing not to pick them up on it, you focus on your host. “So, why did you come here?” He asks, his voice still booming despite not shouting. “I need to speak to Santa.” You state, still not quite believing what you're saying. A hearty chuckle escapes the man. “Well then, what do you need me for?” He asks merrily. You blink twice, looking him up and down. Isn't Santa meant to be a jolly fat man? He certainly is jolly at least...

“Um, well. I need to talk about getting some people onto the nice list?” You ask, unsure if that's even what you're technically trying to achieve. He gently strokes his bushy beard, clearly making a show of thinking about it. “Alright then! Give me the names.” He requests, and you list of the names of each girl living with you, even taking a chance by throwing Beelzebub's name into the mix. 

From nowhere, he produces a tablet. Your look of confusion amuses him to no end. “Everything's digital these days.” He jokes, and you patiently wait as he inputs all manner of commands into the advice. You can't help but flinch at the loud horn that suddenly blares from the device. For the first time, Santa frowns. “Hmm, I'm afraid I can't do anything about this. These names have all been placed on the perma-naughty list.” He explains, and you can't help but shoot him a glare. “Who put them there?” You ask. Santa is quick to raise his hands in defence. “Not I, these are orders from the big G upstairs.” He says all in one breath, pointing to the ceiling. 

“God banned us from Christmas? That seems petty for them.” Pandemonica butts in, and Santa only shrugs. “Those are the rules I'm afraid. Even I can't remove someone from the perma-naughty list.” He explains, his tone indicating that even he doesn't seem a fan of the practice. Regardless, it would appear your quest is at its end, and Cerberus will not receive her visit from Santa. Neither will the other girls come to think of it...

“Here we are, fresh mince pies!” The dainty voice from earlier sings, a curvaceous figure entering the room with a tray full of pies. She wears an outfit one would expect Santa to wear, though hers shows a generous amount of her smooth skin as it exposes her midriff and arms. Your attention is drawn to her shoulder-length raven hair, the complete opposite of Santa's own. More importantly, the shining halo hovering atop it. 

“It's rude to stare.” She says with a pout, placing the tray of treats onto the arm of the sofa. “It's rare to see angels, I've only ever met one myself.” Pandemonica explains, and you are quick to look back at Santa in an attempt to remain polite. “She has you there!” Santa chimes in with a chuckle. “I suppose, how did a pair of demons get here anyway?” She asks, narrowing her eyes at the aforementioned pair. 

“They're with me.” You quickly say, and thankfully her features soften. “A human? Oh-ho, I thought they never gave your kind the time of day.” She muses, a smirk spreading across her lips. “Isn't that a little racist?” Judgement whispers into your ear, causing you to flinch. When did she move so close? Shaking the thought from your mind, you answer her with a shrug. 

A sigh escapes Gabrielle. “You must be too young to have witnessed the worst of the clashes between Heaven and Hell. Be thankful.” She says, Judgement not being quiet enough. Perhaps the statement is true, though Judgement's shoulders sag all the same. “Beelzebub lies locked away in the Abyss, and Astaroth. Well, we don't talk about what happened to her. Lucifer has been in charge for some time, and it is well recorded that she has no interest in continuing a conflict with Heaven.” Pandemonica explains calmly, though you notice a slight edge to her tone. 

“Mica has been quiet for a while now.” Gabrielle muses, finger to her chin. A moment passes before she makes an exaggerated shrug. “Show me the names dear.” She requests, holding her hand out. Santa passes her the tablet he holds, and she takes her time examining it. She hums to herself sweetly as she makes similar motions as Santa did earlier. Soon enough, she comes to a stop. Her attention is focused on you, and you can't help but fidget under her gaze. 

“I've authorized movement to the nice list for most of your girls.” She begins, handing you the tablet. Gently you take it, and see three names written on it in red. Beelzebub, Justice, and Lucifer. Honestly, you thought it was pushing your luck you ask for Beelzebub, but the other two come as a surprise. You could ask the reasoning, but you're pretty sure you can piece it together. Regardless, you'd rather hear such things from the girls themselves. 

“Is there any way to change your mind?” You ask hopefully, and she makes no attempt to hide the rolling of her eyes. “We can spend months debating, but I won't be budging.” She says plainly. You somewhat appreciate her honesty, even if it's not the answer you were hoping for. Getting to your feet, you prepare to say your farewells. “Oh no you don't. You need to at least try my pies before you go.” She states, picking up her tray and thrusting the treats into your face. Biting back a laugh at her likely unintended innuendo, you take one of the pies. 

“And you two, you're welcome to one too.” She encourages your companions, and Judgement is the first to take a pie. As much as you want to savour her reaction, Gabrielle's eyes remain transfixed on you. Not one to disappoint, you bring the pastry to your lips. You take a bite, engulfing half of the treat. The pastry is solid, but crumbles easily in your mouth, unleashing the filling inside. Your tongue is quickly assaulted by a sweet taste, with a slight kick not unlike a spiced rum. 

You quickly finish the rest of the small pie, and allow a smile. “Very nice!” You praise, quickly looking back To Judgement. To your amusement, she is still slowly chewing her treat, pulling a face all the while. It takes a few moments, but eventually she swallows. “G-good.” She stutters, not sounding remotely convincing. Gabrielle doesn't seem to mind, seeming to enjoy the compliment despite it being obviously forced. 

Treats shared, and farewells made; the three of you leave the cottage. After a brief reminder of how cold outside is, you promptly encourage Pandemonica to re-open her portal. Once through, you quickly move in place to warm up. A familiar cackle grabs your attention, and you notice Zdrada smoking a few feet away. “Forget your coat?” She teases rather innocently for her. “Not in the hallway.” You respond pointing to her cigarette, and expertly ignoring her teasing. 

Just as she seems ready to ignore your words, she puts out her cigarette the moment she notices Pandemonica. “Good girl.” She praises with a chuckle, and you roll your eyes. Leaving the two to their little routine, you head off to find Lucifer. Judgement accompanies you for a time, only breaking off when you reach the living room. Cerberus is taking up the sofa intently watching the television, and Judgement decides to join her. 

Smiling at the sight, you remember your initial goal, and leave the girls to enjoy themselves. Standing at the nearby counter wearing her cooking apron is Lucifer. Humming to herself softly, she seems absorbed in her task of rolling pastry. “Isn't that my job?” You ask softly, placing your hands gently on her hips. She doesn't even bat an eye, likely knowing of your presence the second you walked in the room. 

“I thought I'd surprise you with some cookies. You returned a little earlier than I hoped.” She confesses with a light-hearted chuckle. “How thoughtful.” You praise, giving her a quick squeeze. “Want to know how it went?” You ask. She nods, continuing to go through the motions of preparing her pastries. Keeping things to the point, you quickly explain the results of your encounter with Santa, and his angelic companion. Opting to leave out the attempt at assisting Beelzebub, you finally reveal the reality of both her and Justice being left off the list. 

Her motions do not stop, and she seems unaffected by the news. “Everyone else got a pass though, correct?” She asks, and you answer with a yes. “Then I consider it a win dear. If an angel was involved as you say, well. Justice will understand.” She almost explains, and you feel it best not to push for details as of right now. “Want me to tell her?” You ask, and she quickly shakes her head. “I'll handle that dear, now. Why not relax while I finish up in here?” She suggests. Planting a quick peck on her check, you leave her to her baking. 

Christmas day is just around the corner, and you can hardly wait to exchange gifts with the girls...

\- - - 

Christmas day, and the hour is early to say the least. Having a rare night alone, it is unusual then to feel a weight atop your chest. Opening your eyes, you're greeted with the face of a dozing Cerberus. Glancing around, you don't spy her other bodies, and silently pray she's not bothering anyone else at the same time. “Cerberus?” You ask quietly, trying to wake her. Cutely, she slowly wakes. Her eyes sparkle in recognition. “Mer, Smas.” She mumbles sleepily, bringing a hand to get rid of the sleep from her eyes. 

Any annoyance you fell quickly melts at the adorable display she's putting on. “You didn't try to stay up all night did you?” You ask gently. Warily, she nods her head, keeping her eyes fixed to your chest. “And where's the rest of you?” You ask referring to her other bodies, doing your best to keep your tone soft. She looks to either side, before letting out a quiet squeak. In the blink of an eye, she turns into a puff of smoke. It quickly clears, and she seems to have lost a few inches in height. More importantly, two identical copies flank her. Huh, she always told you she could do that, but you've not seen it before. 

“Better!” They cheer in unison, before focusing their puppy-dog eyes on you. “Can we do presents now?” She begs, her tails wagging as one. A sigh escapes you, from tiredness rather than reluctance. “Go wait in the living room, I'll fetch the others.” You explain, and all three of her dash from the room. Now if only she moved that fast when you summoned her on a normal day. Shaking away the thought, you get out of bed.

After a quick wash, and getting dressed, you leave your room. Time to gather the girls, and it only makes sense to start with the nearest. Lucifer's room awaits, and you move the short distance towards its door. It swings open before you can even knock, and a drowsy Lucifer stands there wiping sleep from her eye. “Yes, yes I know. Go fetch Malina and Zdrada before meeting me in the living room.” She instructs, walking past you. 

Seeing no reason to pry, you decide to do as told. Heading to Malina's room first, you knock on her door. No response comes, and you half expected as much. “Malina, if you don't get up I'm coming in.” You warn playfully. Still no response. Sighing, you push open the door with ease. Malina may be one of the lighter sleepers, but she at least leaves her door unlocked. 

Making efforts to not be overly loud as you approach the lump curled up in her bed, you gently put a hand on her. “Five minutes.” She says so softly, you almost don't believe it's Malina. The unusual response has its intended effect, and you take a quick step back. “Okay, but if you're not up I'm sending your sister in.” You tease quietly, leaving the room as she grumbles a complaint. 

Time to fetch Zdrada, you head to the next closest door. Taking a deep breath to steel yourself, you knock loudly on the door. “What!?” Zdrada raised voice calls from within. Well, at least she's awake. “It's Christmas, want to join us for gifts?” You ask gently, hoping the suggestion enough will be enough for her. A second later, and Zdrada opens her door. She wears practically nothing, only donning a plain bra and panties. “Do I need to get dressed?” She asks, her volume lowering considerably. 

“No, but I think everyone else will be.” You answer, gesturing to your current attire. She makes a show of huffing, but retreats to her closet. As she makes no attempt to hide herself from your gaze, you don't mind watching as she rummages for something to wear. She slips into a loose black blouse, and ripped jeans. Not very Christmassy, but so very Zdrada. 

“Alright, let's go perv.” She says as she approaches you, taking your hand in her own to lead you to the living room. You almost allow it, but tug at her to stop. “Wait, we need to fetch Malina.” You explain, causing her to roll her eyes. “Malinka can catch up on her own.” She points out, and you chalk it up to the usual rivalry between the sisters. “I'm already up.” Malina says with a yawn, and you turn to see the grumpy demon staring at the pair of you. Not wanting her to feel left out, you offer her your spare hand. She huffs, but takes your hand all the same. 

The three of you enter the living room hand in hand, and Zdrada is the first to let go of you in order to lean against the nearest window. She cracks it open, and is quick to light up a cigarette. Malina leaves your side too, choosing to sit in your usual spot. You look around at the rest of the girls. Judgement is barely able to keep her eyes open, teetering on the edge of sleep. One part of Cerberus is busying herself with wrapping the current prosecutor's intimidating horns in tinsel. 

Pandemonica nurses a cup of coffee on the sofa, likewise looking as if she's about to doze off. Modeus looks innocently towards the assembled gifts at the base of the tree with Azazel tiredly resting her head on her shoulder. Both Justice and Lucifer sit on the other sofa, a space conveniently left between them. Your eyes lock with Lucifer's own, and she pats the space invitingly. 

Taking the seat between them, Justice lets her head rest on your shoulder. “These gifts better be kick-ass.” She mumbles with a yawn, earning a chuckle from both yourself and Lucifer. “Alright, we're all here so.” Lucifer begins, but you stop her. “What about Beel?” You ask, earning a sigh from her. “I'll allow her presence for a little later, this morning is just for us.” She quickly explains, and while you don't like the idea of leaving her out; you quickly acknowledge it's the best you'll get from Lucifer. 

“As I was saying.” She begins again, clearing her throat. “Time to begin, Cerberus? Would you like to go first?” She asks sweetly, and the triple demon suddenly assembles all three of her forms beneath the tree. Grabbing three separate gifts, she prepares to open them at once. “Ah, only one at a time dear. We only have one set of eyes each after all.” She explains calmly. With a pout, Cerberus puts two of her gifts back. 

“This is mostly your fault, spoiling her all the time.” Lucifer chastises you lightly, before mimicking Justice in resting her head on your shoulder. You're pretty sure you spoil all of them, but keep that to yourself. Wrapping your arms around them to gently cuddle the two demons flanking you close, you watch as Cerberus finally begins ripping into her first gift, the one left by Santa no less!

In seconds the wrapping is gone, and her central from cradles three identical plush toys in the shape of none other than herself. Splitting the trio so each form holds one, she nuzzles the gift. She seems overjoyed at the plush, and her emotions spread across the room, slowly perking up the tired residents. 

“Modeus next!” Cerberus cheers happily, ferrying a gift wrapped in dark blue to the demon. A blush spreads across her cheeks, and Azazel moves herself from her pillow. Daintily, Modeus unwraps the gift, taking care where Cerberus simply dived in. “Oh!” She exclaims in delight, as she reveals a scarf the matches her eyes in colour. “T-thanks.” She quickly adds, giving Azazel an affectionate kiss on the cheek. 

One by one, the rest of the gifts are slowly opened. Every-time the girl is delighted, whether the gift be from Santa, another of the girls, or yourself. Still, there are only so many presents, and soon none remain. The floor is covered in discarded wrapping paper, and you idly wonder who is going to clean up. 

Cerberus is the first to bolt, all three of her dashing off to her room with her haul of gifts in tow. Everyone begins to look around the room, wordlessly waiting to see if anyone would volunteer to clean up. “Go on girls, We'll handle this.” Lucifer chimes in. Wait, we? You look at her questioningly, pointing to yourself. She nods, and you simply chuckle. Looks like you're on clean-up duty. 

The pair of you remain in your snugly position, as the rest of the girls filter out of the room. You can't help but smile when Modeus and Azazel retire to the same room. Lucifer stretches her arms up high, relieving any tension within them. “Come along now dear, the sooner we sort this, the sooner I give you your last gift.” She purrs, a glint behind her eye. 

Needing no further motivation than that, you get to your feet. The time spent cleaning goes by in a flash, and Lucifer wiggles her hips enticingly as she leaves the room. You watch for only a moment, before your feet move on their own. A squelching sound stops you in your tracks, and you turn to look at the small portal that has opened. Beelzebub's face stares at you from within. 

“No Holiday wishes?” She asks teasingly, and you shoot a quick smile. “Merry Christmas Beel, can we catch up a little later?” You ask gently. She pouts, but before she can say anything; you move just enough for her to catch the tail-end of Lucifer's retreat. “Oh fine, have fun with your little trollop. I expect you to myself later though.” She demands a little harshly, but you can't exactly fault her. Giving her a short salute, she closes her portal. 

Now, to catch up to Lucifer, and enjoy the rest of your Christmas...

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas!


End file.
